Hem // Animatic No audio


  1. I'll leave some more detailed feedback later (the intercutting has already helped) but one thing I don't think your design world needs is a rationale for the floating house - i.e. you don't need to explain why it's floating, with the balloons etc. Let's imagine that none of this is actually happening - because it's a metaphor, because it's a fable - the floating house is an idea, a symbol, a metaphor - it doesn't need explaining - it 'just is'. I think it would be much more magical if the house just floated up there at the end of the rope and it doing so is never explained. For this same reason, I think the rope is too thick; there's a lack of poetry about its practical size - it should just be your average length of rope - maybe something like this: http://www.harrypricewebsite.co.uk/images/cases_images/firewalk/karachi.jpg

  2. So - suggested revisions:

    1) cut back-story - it plays without it and audience won't know and don't care.
    2) Just consider your screen direction - more poetry, greater use of motivated shots.
    3) Reconsider big emotional reaction - something quieter, more reflective?
    4) Cut balloon descent - just go directly to rope shot
    5) Make sure the hut looks re-configured appropriately
    6) Motivate her leaving house at beginning of film (why is she in the snow?)
    7) Prior to montage of inventions, you need to show us one complete cycle (probably 2) of her working at the invention, show us how she realises she can cannibalise her existing house to get to the new house etc. We need to understand that every time we see a new invention and a missing bit of the house that she's been doing the same thing 'off screen'
    8) Consider establishing shots of the interior of the cabin so that everything we're shown in the first instance we can then see contributing to the various flying machines.

    9) In terms of design - go simpler, but not simplistic - look at Angie Lewin http://www.angielewin.co.uk


Post a Comment

Popular Posts