From Script to Screen: Ogr Part 2



  1. OGR 06/02/2015

    Hi Ryan,

    Okay - some observations: your script is getting there certainly, but I'd argue you could do the whole thing without any dialogue; you should seek instead to show everyone's feelings by combining shots; so, for example, when Edward learn's of the sinking of the Titanic, this could be done very simply as a play of shots between the butler entering the room, his face serious, Edward looking at him; the butler's expression is strained; we see Edward's expression change, become afraid; we see the newspaper in the butler's hand. We see the headline. We cut back to Edward's face... Likewise, the mannequins in the attic shouldn't speak - this could all be done as a play of expressions and gestures.

    I wasn't entirely convinced by the bit in which Edward is his mother's model; seems a bit strange to me if she's a dressmaker! Why not just have him holding her pins for her while she works on a dress, being helpful etc?

    I'm going to be completely honest re. the storyboards - which are exactly the kind I don't want to see, not after all your life-drawing classes, animation classes, character classes etc... I know you're probably working it out for yourself, but they're photographed horribly, they're too basic, and there's little evidence that you're thinking about the relationship between sorts of camera angles and visual communication. Remember, I'll be looking for a sense that you're 'directing with a pencil', not just getting your story told, so think about the variety of shots available to you, and how they change, moderate and enrich the content of your scene and our relationship to your characters. Playing hardball here, but storyboard could and should be an exercise in visual communication - in ensuring that others can 'feel' your film before you've even created one shot.

    Re. characters - they've improved a lot for getting simpler - but Edward's head is MASSIVE in comparison with his parents, and I just think you need to reconsider that. You need to commit to their hands, Ryan! There's still more to do though in terms of exploring your characters as 'structures' - so be prepared to explore them through a more three-dimensional approach.

    Re. environment - don't forget your period detail! I'd like to see you thinking more architecturally about that attic space; go back to real world reference, ensure againsts genericism or just drawing a space; think about production design; this is an attic of a Victorian house, not simply a digital painting.

    You've worked hard to consolidate your story, Ryan - but you're the art department too remember :)


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