Hem//Last Previz post
...for now. The last pre-viz post before the deadline. that being said post deadline more pre-viz will be rolling out as i want to improve my film, to make it the best version. some shots aren't representative of what the final render will look like as i was changing and working around issues on the fly.
Editors note// in terms of timing quite a few things have changed. everything is much shorter in the rendered clips. this messed up my sound, but i feel it looks better. can't wait for it to be presentable!
Editors note// in terms of timing quite a few things have changed. everything is much shorter in the rendered clips. this messed up my sound, but i feel it looks better. can't wait for it to be presentable!
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI really like the style of your film! I hope you get to the best version of it and that you will be happy with how it turns out! :)
I was just thinking, after 1:09 when the girl walks upstairs, I found the inside shot of her opening the door a bit unnecessary. We know she is going in, do we need to see her open the door fom the inside?
Also, maybe from 2:07 when she stars crossing out all the faulty plans, maybe after one shot of her do more of the page being crossed? For example, one of the girl and then with a bigger zoom onto the page and the the last one with even bigger zoom and then the line just being finished?
Could there also be her little poncho being blown by the wind in the last shot of the ruined house? Could make it look even sadder because she wore it throughout the whole film. Abandoning it in the ruins would feel like she really did not care about her house in the end because chasing after the goal covered what's important - home (perhaps both phisical and spiritual home? Poncho = symbol of spiritual home?) Althought that might be quite a stretch :D
Alright, these are the few things I thought about. I hope they will be helpful/useful :)
Good luck with the rest of the work!
Thanks for the feed back Sam! I will cut out the door shot and i will get the rest done in version two :D
DeleteHi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteIf I'm coming to this late, apologies - so take my feedback in a long terms sense, so if there are bits that can be carried into the submission edit, great, if not - or if trying to act on the feedback becomes an impediment to getting the submission ready, then park it until later:
1) Opening shot of cabin - consider the addition of a gentle slow tracking in shot to encourage us to identify with it as a site of importance; sound design - bird song? But something too to suggest the isolation and hardship of the location (lonely bird song, a bit of wind etc) - something sound-design-y to suggest the cold too.
2) On the POV shot of the woodland - a very gentle panning upwards would suggest that Arne is 'taking in the view'...
3) Don't wait for Arne to leave the shot as she walks away from the cabin - if you cut to the next shot just before Arne leaves the shot, you'll find that the edit will feel more smooth and more continuous. This is a general rule (not a golden rule) but flow between hard edits is often improved this same way - by not waiting for an action to leave a shot or end before cutting to its continuance from another camera.
4) The wipe cut at 15 seconds... we spend too much time looking at the 'wipe' element - as soon as the element covers the screen, try cutting to the next shot - at the moment the frames spent looking at the grey screen is holding the flow back.
5) @ 21 secs - again, you leave us looking at an empty frame, waiting for Arne's feet to arrive in the shot - just trim off this 'wait' and cut to this scene with a few frames of Arne's shoes already in the scene - it will keep the action flowing. (See previous advice re. trimming off the 'emptied shots' - don't leave us looking at an empty shot after something has left it, and don't leave us looking at an empty shot before something arrives in it.
6) I think you could consider cutting @ 38 seconds and then going direct to the shot that begins in this edit at 42 seconds - the current shot that tracks down the rope before this moment seems odd to me, as the rope is pushed all the way to left of the screen and we're looking at a random tree instead?
7) I think you could cut from Arne running at around 1 min 4 secs right to the moment Arne opens the door at 1 min 12 - I don't think we need any of the bit in between - and also, I think you need to consider flipping this shot in post, so Arne is running Right to Left, because you've set up a spatial relationship earlier when Arne was travelling Left to Right towards the floating house, so it doesn't make sense that in order to return to the cabin she continues to travel Left to Right.
ReplyDelete8) The shift between Arne looking right at 1min 22 and the following shot of Arne looking jars for me - her poncho is missing too in terms of continuity? In terms of better conveying her 'thinking' I'd suggest putting a gentle 'push' on the POV of the wooden planks and then a gentle push on the shot of her face - these tracking shots will tell us that she is thinking and that there is some relationship between her thoughts and the thing she's looking at.
9) Arne's framing in the shot at 1.28 is cutting her off at the ankles - this looks awkward - I'd consider re-framing this to avoid this.
10) @ 1min 59 - this shot looks awkward to me when she looks around with the camera at this position - consider cutting to the exterior shot of her looking up just after she tilts her head back in the establishing shot - this means losing the POV shot of the ceiling, but this shot is anyway difficult to read spatially.
11) Sound - I think you need to reconsider what your 'music' is doing here - there's a 'dirge' quality to the mix - an undecideness - it just sounds as if two different scores are playing at the same time. Personally, I'd look at your approach to music here and consider something more purposeful.
12) I don't think the sequence from her looking around her room followed by the POV shot of the room followed by the transition from the stove to the shot of her in the balloon works - because she is pictured as looking around the room in a quite an agitated way, followed by a smooth POV of the room (the movement of which doesn't tally with the shot of her looking previously). I'm wondering - for sake of flow - if you couldn't just transition from the drawing of the boat/balloon to the shot of the Arne in the balloon floating upwards at 2min 35sec? And again - the sound mix here doesn't feel resolved - it just sounds like two alternate tracks competing.
Got it! fixed cut, smoother already!
Delete